Monday, April 17, 2006

Mark the date


Today is the day when America officially became culturally appalling. Today, April 17th, 2006, the following three events converged:

1) Scary Movie 4 made $41 Mil at the box office in its opening weekend.

2) An Omaha school district decided to segregate its public schools.

3) Hasbro is making Pussycat Dolls dolls and they are marketed to 6-9 year old girls. As the NYTimes reports "The toy line — which aims to mimic the act's playfully risqué style — is expected to be on sale by this year's holiday season. Hasbro executives estimate the dolls, intended for children aged 6 to 9, will be priced around $15, with the label receiving a royalty on sales. "


I don't even understand anymore.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Still proud to be a Spence girl

From Gawker's Reading about Reading, a wonderful mention of my alma matter.

there’s nothing like reading about a bulimic 16-year-old Spence girl having sex in the service elevator of her Fifth Avenue apartment building, high on her alcoholic mother’s Percocet.


No, Gawker. There's nothing like being a bulimic 15-year-old Spence girl having sex in the maid's room of her Fifth Avenue apartment building, high on her anorexic mother's Vicodin. GET IT RIGHT bitches.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

When adjectives attack

Why I love Frank Bruni's reviews:
"It can be inventive and delicate: a cauli­flower sformato, which is a puck
of ethereal custard, rising above a salad of grapefruit and
skate. Or sim­ul­tan­eously luxurious and earthy:
ravioli that are filled with a chestnut and Parmesan purée and paired with
pigeon and myrtle."


Ethereal custard? Luxurious and earthy ravioli?

Mr. Batali's love of offal finds expression in pici, a sort of fat Tuscan
spaghetti, with coxcombs, chicken livers, duck testicles and, for conventional
decadence, black truffles

I didn't realize duck testicles were part of unconventional decadence, Frank.

Also, apparently, "the arugula here makes arugula at many other res­taur­ants seem like iceberg in drag".


Bruni also uses the word libretto. Asshole.

The art of the English language

Check out the definition for testicles in the American Heritage dictionary:

"A testis, especially one contained within a scrotum."


As opposed to all those testis contained within pizza boxes.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Insert gay joke here


Anderson, I love you. You were in true form last night.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Oh snap!


Today Lloyd Grove reports that a former roomate of Ms. Jennifer Aniston has come out to tell the world about Jennifer's nasty, bitchy, occasionally skanky actress ways. Some highlights Ms. Nancy Balbirer shares:

- Jen would give herself bikini waxes while lying upside-down on the couch.
- Jen advised Nancy to try and be 'more f—able' on auditions, and to buy chicken cutlets at the Food Emporium to stuff her bra. Jane iced her nipples before auditions, and lamented her big butt and her nose, which she said 'came from her Greek half.'
- Jen moved to Los Angeles, got liposuction, a nose job and a hairline adjustment, and lost a lot of weight after going on Nutri­Slim. Nancy recounted a trip to L.A. where she asked to stay with her old friend, but instead Jane named some hotels, telling Nancy not to be so desperate, because it's unattractive, especially in a town like L.A. OH SNAP!

Ok I definitely believe the nipple thing since her headlights were always on during Friends. Way to be a bitch though, Jen. Gotta love it!

Oh snap!


Today Lloyd Grove reports that a former roomate of Ms. Jennifer Aniston has come out to tell the world about Jennifer's nasty, bitchy, occasionally skanky actress ways. Some highlights Ms. Nancy Balbirer shares:

- Jen would give herself bikini waxes while lying upside-down on the couch.
- Jen advised Nancy to try and be 'more f—able' on auditions, and to buy chicken cutlets at the Food Emporium to stuff her bra. Jane iced her nipples before auditions, and lamented her big butt and her nose, which she said 'came from her Greek half.'
- Jen moved to Los Angeles, got liposuction, a nose job and a hairline adjustment, and lost a lot of weight after going on Nutri­Slim. Nancy recounted a trip to L.A. where she asked to stay with her old friend, but instead Jane named some hotels, telling Nancy not to be so desperate, because it's unattractive, especially in a town like L.A. OH SNAP!

Ok I definitely believe the nipple thing since her headlights were always on during Friends. Way to be a bitch though, Jen. Gotta love it!

Friday, February 24, 2006

Bigmouth strikes again


Page Six is reporting that after Morrissey called Prez Bush a terrorist, he got questioned by the FBI and British Intelligence.

Morrissey reportedly answered each question by saying, "Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking when I said by every right Bush should be bludgeoned in his bed". After questioning, in a press conference, he simply said "Now I know how Joan of Arc felt".

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Oh no he didn't!


Now I don't usually go all political but way to go, Mr. President.

Bush: 'People don't need to worry about security'

I know that he was talking about the port in Dubai but the guy should know the press is going to take that quote and run with it.

Also, is it me or is his nose all red like an alcoholic's here?

Letterman is so good sometimes

Top Ten Reasons Not to Go Hunting with Dick Cheney:
10. Jack Daniels
9. Makers Mark
8. Old Crow
7. Old Grandad
6. Old Forester
5. Jim Beam
4. Rebel Yell
3. Canadian Club
2. Southern Comfort

And the Number One Reason not to go hunting with Dick Cheney: Wild Turkey.

Preventing username violence after cartoon violence

In our ever sensitive world, Yahoo has banned "Allah", "Osama" and "Binladen" from being allowed in user names.
Some things that are allowed: god, messiah, jesus, jehova, buddah, satan and both priest and pedophile.

In other words, the usernames GodIsAPedophile or Priest4Pedophile are okay, but PraiseAllah is not. Yeah, that makes sense.

Quite possibly the best description ever

Today's Thursdays Styles features an article by everyone's favorite rich lady writer, Alex Kuczynski. Her article discusses the changing face of St John. In transitioning from Eileen Fisher-esque knitwear to sexier, more under-50 friendly pieces, they've hired Angelina Jolie as their spokesperson and have obviously decided to appeal to the youth market. In describing one of these more 20 something oriented pieces, Ms. Alex writes

A bright aqua leather jacket with decorative grommets ($1,295) looked like
something a former Vegas showgirl married to the local Cadillac dealer might
wear as she approaches her seventh decade to show that she has still Got It.

Best. Description. Ever.